The Journey Begins

Inner truth

How long must I suffer becoming someone else trying to be myself- Audrey Lorde

My Truth

My weight is not a food issue it’s a love issue.
My blood pressure is a side effect of having no self-love. In order to understand my weight and other health issues, I must first understand when and where the breakdown began.
When did you stop loving yourself?
When I thought that I found love when I decide that my boyfriend’s life, his dreams, and vision were worth more than mine. I told myself I could wait, I forced me to give up on my vision. I secretly told myself I was happy. That I wasn’t important! The only thing I had control over was what I ate, so I ate and ate and ate.
When did you sentence yourself to a life in prison?
This I believe started in secret as well but I remember the day that it started. It was the day I became a mom. Once again I was forced on to the shelf for someone else.
Why don’t you trust yourself?
Because I never got a chance to live, I stole that from me! Anytime they needed me, I stole repeatedly from myself until there was nothing left. The only thank the young lady succeeded in receiving from me was food so it became her comfort and her joy. She seeks it at all cost- At the cost of my life
Why are you so angry with yourself?
I had dreams, I knew who I was and where I was headed. I was supposed to change the dynamics of my families life. Instead, I gave my life up for something that was not real and in the end, the main person I wanted to share my dreams with died never seeing me accomplishing anything. I gave it all up for false love. I cheated myself out of life and he and every lover after him cheated me too. I was not loyal to me so why should anybody else be.
Why are you trying to kill yourself?
So I don’t have to fail anymore. I can’t fix her and I am too hurt to forgive her and even if I tried to trust her again she would fail me. “Scratch a lie find a thief” She (I ) stole my life!!!

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